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English to German: How to Stop Negative Self-Talk 4 steps to stop your inner critic from stealing your happiness. General field: Social Sciences Detailed field: Psychology
Source text - English How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
4 steps to stop your inner critic from stealing your happiness.
If you are like most people, you know your inner critic all too well. It is the voice in your head that judges you, doubts you, belittles you, and constantly tells you that you are never good enough. It says negative hurtful things to you—things that you would never even dream of saying to anyone else. I am such a dumb a$$, I am a complete idiot, I am such a phony, I never do anything right, I will never succeed.
Like it or not, everything you say to yourself matters. The inner critic isn’t harmless. It inhibits you, limits you, and stops you from pursuing the life that you truly want to live. It robs you of your peace of mind and emotional well-being, and if left unchecked for long enough, it can even lead to serious mental health problems like depression or anxiety.
The inner critic can have multiple purposes that on the surface might seem useful; it can make you feel like you are trying to do right in someway by wanting to be better or to achieve more. However, using self-criticism for these reasons, instead of positive self-talk, is the same as choosing punishment over a reward. While punishment can deter certain behaviors in the short-term, rewards are generally better for shaping new and lasting behavior. When you punish someone for what they do wrong that doesn’t teach them how to do it right. Imagine a small child learning to walk—if you scream at him and call him a little dummy every time he falls down, you can imagine that would have a negative impact on the child. It would certainly have a very different effect then if you smile and encourage the child each time he took a step toward you. When your inner critic consistently labels you in a negative way it has a demoralizing effect and shapes your larger self-concept about who you are and what you can do.
What if the critic is true? It doesn’t matter. Negative self-talk is never in your interest. There is always a different, kinder, better way to treat yourself that doesn’t involve negative labels and self-destructive mindsets. In any given situation you can focus on what you did wrong or what you did well and what you can do even better next time.
Below are 4 steps that will help you silence the inner critic.
1. Notice the critic
In order to gain control over your inner critic you have to first be aware of it. During every conscious moment we have a constant inner dialogue with ourselves. Much of our thinking is so automatic and is happening so rapidly we barely notice it before we move on to the next thought. Making the conscious effort to slow down and pay more attention to your thoughts will help you notice when the critic is present. Your emotions will also cue you to the presence of the critic. Negative emotions such as doubt, guilt, shame, and worthlessness are almost always signs of the critic at work.
A good exercise to try for one week is to simply keep an inner critic log either in a small notebook or on your phone. Every time you notice yourself being self-critical just note 2-3 words about the situation—got up late, meeting with boss, fight with mom, lunch choices, and what the criticism was—I’m lazy, I’m a bad employee, I’m not a good daughter, I have no self control. Once you are aware of the critical voice you will be in a position to stand up to it.
2. Separate the critic from you
The inner critic doesn’t want to be noticed. It thrives best when you mistake it for being part of your authentic self. However, you weren’t born with an inner critic. The critic is a voice that you have internalized based on outside influences and learning such as other people’s criticism, expectations, or standards. One way to separate from the critic is to give it a name. Any name will work—John, Mary, Sam. To add some levity you might even try using a silly name such as, The Old Hag. What is important is that by separating it from your own identity you are on your way to freeing yourself from its influence.
3. Talk back
Talking back to your inner critic is an important part of taking away its power over you. Simply telling the critic you don’t want to hear what it has to say begins to give you a sense of choice in the matter. When you hear the inner critic start to speak, tell it to go away. Tell it you refuse to listen, tell it that you know it is a liar, tell it you are choosing instead to be kind to yourself.
4. Replace the critic
The best way to defeat the critic is to have an even stronger ally on your side. You need to grow an inner voice that acts as your own best friend. In order to do this you need to start noticing the good things about yourself. No matter what the inner critic has told you, you do have positive traits but it may take you some effort to retrain yourself to see them.
Because of the way our brain works, we all have an automatic selective filtering system that will look for evidence in our environment that matches up with whatever we believe to be true about ourselves and we will disregard other evidence to the contrary.1 If you are always saying to yourself I am idiot, then you might do a lot of smart things but you will always zero in on the small mistakes you make, such as locking your keys in the car, and you will fixate on those kinds of examples because they match up with what you say to yourself.
To break this automatic tendency, you have to first make the deliberate effort to say something different to yourself and then actively search for evidence that the new statement is true. When you hear your critic saying I am an idiot, talk back and tell the critic that isn’t true, then replace the statement with something you know is true such as sometimes I do smart things and then come up with as many examples as you can to support this new statement. The critic doesn’t like to be wrong. The more examples you come up with to support your alternate view the less the critic will come around.
Translation - German Wie man negative Selbstgespräche stoppen kann
Schütze dein Glück in vier Schritten vor dem inneren Kritiker
Die meisten Menschen kennen ihren inneren Kritiker nur zu gut. Es ist die Stimme im eigenen Kopf, die über dich urteilt, an dir zweifelt, dich erniedrigt und dich konstant daran erinnert, dass du nie gut genug bist. Diese Stimme kritisiert dich in einem Maß wie die du niemals mit einer anderen Person sprechen würdest. “Ich bin so ein Blödmann, ich bin ein kompletter Idiot, ich bin ein absoluter Heuchler, ich mache nichts richtig, ich werde niemals erfolgreich sein.”
Ob es dir gefällt oder nicht, alles was dein innerer Kritiker dir erzählt ist von Belang. Dein innerer Kritiker ist nicht ungefährlich. Er hemmt dich, limitiert dich und hält dich davon ab nach dem Leben zu streben, dass du für dich möchtest. Er raubt dir deinen Seelenfrieden und dein emotionales Wohlbefinden, und wenn er lange genug unbehandelt bleibt, kann er zu ernsthaften psychischen Problemen wie Angststörungen und Depression führen.
Der innere Kritiker kann mehrere Funktionen haben die auf den ersten Blick nutzvoll erscheinen. Er verleiht dir das Gefühl in gewisser Weise das richtige zu tun, dass du dich verbesserst oder mehr erreichst. Allerdings gleicht die Anwendung von Selbstkritik anstatt positiver Ermutigung der Bevorzugung von Bestrafung anstelle von Anerkennung. Obgleich Bestrafung eine effektive Methode ist Verhalten kurzzeitig einzuschränken, produzieren Lob und Anerkennung nachhaltig neue und beständige Verhaltensweisen. Jemanden für Fehlverhalten zu bestrafen zeigt der Person nicht wie sie es richtig machen kann. Man stelle sich ein Kind vor, dass gerade laufen lernt. Wird das Kind jedes Mal wenn es fällt von dir angebrüllt und für dumm beschimpft, kann man sich vorstellen, dass es einen negativen Einfluss auf das Kind haben wird. Es würde sicherlich einen ganz anderen Effekt haben dem Kind entgegen zu lächeln und es bei jedem Schritt den es in deine Richtung macht zu ermutigen. Wenn also dein innerer Kritiker dich konsequent als schlecht bezeichnet, so hat das einen demoralisierenden Einfluss und formt dementsprechend dein gesamtes Selbstbild, wer du bist und zu was du fähig bist.
Was wäre wenn der innere Kritiker Recht hat? Das ist nicht von Belang. Negative Selbstgespräche sind NIE in deinem Interesse. Es gibt IMMER eine alternative, eine liebenswürdigere und bessere Art mit dir selbst umzugehen, die keine negativen Bezeichnungen und selbstzerstörerische Denkart beinhalten. Du kannst dich jederzeit damit beschäftigen, was schief lief, was gut lief und was du das nächste Mal besser machen kannst.
Hier sind vier Schritte, die dir helfen sollen deinen inneren Kritiker zum Schweigen zu bringen:
1. Bemerke deinen Kritiker
Um deinen inneren Kritiker in den Griff zu bekommen musst du ihn zuerst bemerken. Ein Großteil unserer Gedanken geschieht automatisch und so schnell, dass wir den einzelnen Gedanken, bevor wir zum Nächsten übergehen, kaum bemerken. Wenn du bewusst den Gedankenfluss bremst und dabei dem einzelnen Gedanken mehr Aufmerksamkeit schenkst, hilft es dir zu merken wenn dein innerer Kritiker präsent ist. Außerdem sind deine Emotionen ein guter Indikator für die Präsenz deines inneren Kritikers.
Negative Gefühle wie Zweifel, Schuld, Scham und Wertlosigkeit sind fast immer ein Zeichen dafür, dass dein innerer Kritiker am Werk ist. Hier ist es hilfreich eine Woche lang ein “Innerer-Kritiker-Tagebuch” zu führen. Jedes Mal wenn du merkst, dass du selbstkritisch bist, schreib zwei bis drei Wörter zu dieser Situation auf - bin zu spät aufgestanden, Besprechung mit dem Chef, Streitgespräch mit der Mutter und was die dazugehörige Kritik beinhaltete - ich bin faul, ich bin eine schlechte Angestellte, ich bin eine miserable Tochter. Sobald du für deinen inneren Kritiker Bewusstsein entwickelt hast, kannst du dich ihm gegenüber behaupten.
2. Trenne den inneren Kritiker von dir
Der innere Kritiker möchte nicht bemerkt werden, denn er gedeiht am besten wenn du ihn fälschlicherweise als einen Teil deines authentischen Selbst erachtest. Allerdings wurdest du nicht mit einem inneren Kritiker geboren. Dein innerer Kritiker ist die Stimme, die du basierend auf externen Einflüssen, wie zum Bespiel Kritik von anderen, Erwartungen oder Normen, verinnerlicht hast. Eine Möglichkeit sich vom eigenen Kritiker zu trennen ist ihm einen Namen zu geben, dabei verleiht ein alberner Name, wie zum Beispiel nörgelndes Weib, dem Ganzen mehr Gewicht. Entscheidend ist, dass dieser Prozess der Trennung der eigenen Identität vom inneren Kritiker für dich der Ausweg ist dich von seinem Einfluss zu befreien.
3. Gib Kontra
Deinem inneren Kritiker Kontra zu geben ist essentiell um ihm die Macht über dich zu nehmen. Wenn du deinem inneren Kritiker schlichtweg sagst, dass du ihm nicht zuhören möchtest, beginnst du ein Gefühl dafür zu entwickeln, dass du Mitspracherecht hast. Wenn dein innerer Kritiker anfängt zu sprechen, sag ihm, dass er verschwinden soll. Sag ihm, dass du dich weigerst ihm zuzuhören, dass er ein Lügner ist, dass du dich dafür entscheidest liebenswert mit dir selbst umzugehen.
4. Ersetze deinen Kritiker
Die beste Möglichkeit deinen Kritiker zu besiegen ist einen noch stärkeren Verbündeten an deiner Seite zu haben. Du musst in dir eine Stimme wachsen lassen die als dein eigener bester Freund agiert. Um dies zu bewerkstelligen musst du dich mit deinen positiven Seiten auseinandersetzen. Egal was dir dein innerer Kritiker erzählt hat, du hast positive Eigenschaften. Allerdings braucht es aktiven Einsatz deinerseits neu zu erlernen diese auch zu erkennen.
Dank der Funktionsweise unseres Hirns, filtern wir unser Umfeld automatisch und selektiv nach Beweisen, die mit unserem wahr geglaubten Selbstbildnis übereinstimmen. Dabei ignorieren wir jegliche Informationen, die das Gegenteil beweisen. Wenn du dir immer erzählst was für ein Idiot du bist, dann kann es sein, dass du ganz viel schlaue Sachen machst, du aber immer auf die kleinen Fehler fokussierst. Dabei bist du auf diese kleinen Fehler fixiert, denn sie entsprechen deinem negativen Selbstverständnis.
Um mit diesen Gewohnheiten zu brechen, musst du zunächst die bewusste Anstrengung unternehmen anders mit dir selbst zu reden und dabei aktiv nach Beweisen für die Wahrhaftigkeit dieser Alternative zu suchen. Wenn dein innerer Kritiker dich zum Beispiel als Idiot bezeichnet, gib ihm Kontra, sag ihm, dass das nicht stimmt, dann ersetze diese negative Bezeichnung mit “ Manchmal mach ich intelligente Sachen” und suche so viele Beispiele dafür wie möglich. Der innere Kritiker ist ungern im Unrecht. Umso mehr Beispiele du für dein Gegenargument findest, umso weniger Chancen bietest du deinem inneren Kritiker.
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Bachelor's degree - (Hons), Psychology and Linguistics; Master's degree, Neuropsychology
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Years of experience: 10. Registered at ProZ.com: Mar 2016.
My natural drive is curiosity, and it directs my desire to understand the mechanics of the universe; more specifically, how evolution shapes human biology and behaviour. So far, my quest for knowledge has been most successful within the scientific branch of academia since it aims to explain natural phenomena without bias. Scientific writing seeks to inform and illustrate; this method resonates with my approach to learning and understanding. Translating allows me to encounter and explore new concepts, thus satisfying my inquisitiveness and thirst for knowledge.
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