May 27, 2005 08:16
19 yrs ago
English term
DELVING into DETAIL
Native in: Russian 
Works in: English to Russian, Russian, Russian to English, and 2 more.
as there seemed to be
English
Art/Literary
Poetry & Literature
children's literature
The sound of a branch snapping underfoot seemed a roar of some mysterious beast, and the rustling of a light wind suddenly blowing in was terrifying, as there seemed to be a strange monster hiding in the bushes.
Dear native English speakers!
It seems to me that the phrase doesn't sound good here. Would someone please advise if anything can be done?
What I'm trying to say is that the rustling of the wind makes them think there is a monster hiding in the bushes.
This is my translation from Russian.
Dear native English speakers!
It seems to me that the phrase doesn't sound good here. Would someone please advise if anything can be done?
What I'm trying to say is that the rustling of the wind makes them think there is a monster hiding in the bushes.
This is my translation from Russian.
Responses
| 4 +12 | as if a strange monster were hiding in the bushes |
John Bowden
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| 3 +1 | My version |
Balasubramaniam L.
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| 2 +1 | a humble suggestion |
SirReaL
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Responses
+12
4 mins
Selected
as if a strange monster were hiding in the bushes
Perhaps the sentence could be changed a bit to something like:
"The sound of a branch snapping underfoot *sounded like the* roar of some mysterious beast, and the rustling of a light wind **suddenly blowing in** was terrifying, as if a strange monster were hiding in the bushes".
(omit the words between **....**)
HTH!
"The sound of a branch snapping underfoot *sounded like the* roar of some mysterious beast, and the rustling of a light wind **suddenly blowing in** was terrifying, as if a strange monster were hiding in the bushes".
(omit the words between **....**)
HTH!
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "Thank you for your help John! Thanks everybody!"
+1
8 mins
a humble suggestion
The sound of a branch snapping underfoot resembled the roat of some mysterious beast. A light wind swiftly blew in, rustling menaciously as if hinting at a strange monster hiding in the bushes.
Please be gentle with your criticism :)))
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Note added at 9 mins (2005-05-27 08:26:03 GMT)
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typo: the roat = the roar
Please be gentle with your criticism :)))
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Note added at 9 mins (2005-05-27 08:26:03 GMT)
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typo: the roat = the roar
Peer comment(s):
| neutral |
Melanie Nassar
: 2 comments: Resemble is usually used to mean similar in appearance, not sound. I never heard of menaciously; perhaps you mean menacingly, which would be nice, depending on the age of the kids who will be reading this book.
44 mins
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Thank you very much for your comments! Will keep that in mind.
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| agree |
gtreyger (X)
: I don't see a problem with *resembled*, but I would change the *menaciously*. :-)
1 day 18 hrs
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Bloopers happen :) Thank you Gennadiy
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+1
5 hrs
Balasubramaniam L.
India
India
India
Fast, accurate, elegant translation
Native in: Hindi 
Works in: English to Hindi, Hindi
Related KudoZ points
:
32
My version
A branch snapped underfoot, sounding like the roar of a mysterious beast. The bushes rustled by a sudden wind seemed threatening as if they were hiding a strange monster.
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
Can Altinbay
: This has a nice flow. I'd cut the first part in 2: "...underfoot. It sounded like...", but I get the luxury of making such suggestions because you did the hard work. Nice job.
1 hr
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Thank you Can.
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